I was going to feature a few artists I really liked. But today, I woke up to another rejection (I’ve become used to them). I realized that this is a major roadblock for so many people, and so — I’d like to share a bit about it today.
Rejection hurts.
What about being rejected AND blocked. (Ouch!). For entrepreneurs this is a regular occurrence, and some rejections are more painful than others.
Rejection, in it’s purest form, is a form of kindness. It’s a way for others to make space for things they can accomodate. Where it gets tricky, is when its done in an unkind way — when you’re denied the space to process it, or when the other person clearly has bad intentions when doing it.
Often rejection comes with a bit of dishonesty, in Brian Cheskys medium article on rejection, you can see that investors often give reasons for their rejection. “We dont invest in that space” (As if there’s something wrong with your sector) “We dont find travel as promising” (Like your thoughts and ideas are wrong somehow).
I’m paraphrasing, but it’s important when facing rejection to believe the “no” and ignore the “why”.
The lesson here is to not look at rejection as a reason for anything. It’s to look at it for what it is, a ‘no’. It does not invalidate your idea, it doesnt diminish your worthiness, it doesnt mean that theres anything wrong with you. Hannah Braime says this beautifully on her blog:
But what if other people are right and there really is something wrong with us? Just because someone else makes a judgement about us, it doesn’t mean that they’re right. Even if there is an element of truth in what they’re saying, I guarantee you that there is nothing “wrong” with you that you can’t work with, change, or learn to accept.
So why does rejection hurt so much?
The science behind it is this: it triggers the very same pathways in our brain as physical pain. It is by far, one of the most painful things we can feel as humans, and its hard-wired in our neurology and body.
So how should entrepreneurs (or anyone) move past rejection?
The truth is, moving past it is the same no matter the circumstance— whether it’s a painful divorce, a failed marketing campaign, a rude rejection, you name it. Getting over it starts with remembering this:
Courage starts by showing up and letting ourselves be seen. — Brene Brown
You were brave. Whether its a business, a marriage, an email, a message, a weird response. No matter where the rejection came from, remember the start. You were and are brave for being seen. And for taking the action in the first place.
You showed up.
And at the core of it, that is what truly counts. Showing up is the bravest thing you can do.
So to heal from rejection simply remind yourself, that the rejection (the outcome of the action) doesnt matter. What matters is that you took the action in the first place. That you dared to do something different. That you wished the absolute best for yourself and others in doing so, and that you showed up.
Rejection doesn’t seem so bad now eh? In fact, from this point of view, it is the most accurate measurement of courage.
A few valuable lessons here:
- Don’t hire people who lack the courage to show up, and risk rejection.
2, You’re not an entrepreneur if you dont take responsibility for your product and take the fall for it.
Steve Jobs has a very wise quote on this:
“[Building products: Where you have] a chance to take responsibility for [your own] recommendations, where [you] get to see [your own] recommendations through all action stages and accumulate some scar tissue for the mistakes and pick [yourself] up off the ground and dust [yourself] off. You never get three-dimensional [view]. You might have a lot of pictures on your wall, you can say ‘Look, I’ve worked in bananas, I’ve worked in peaches, I’ve worked in grapes.’ But you never really taste it.”
The cause…
Here’s the situation that prompted me to write this post:
I reached out to my target market with this message. Doesn’t seem so bad does it? Not interested, fine, just ignore and move on. I wont bother you again.
Yet here was the response I received:
Rather than: ignoring the message, not responding, simply forgetting about it — the user decided to block me. Now, I receive a lot of marketing junk mail, but I cant remember the last time I blocked one.
It makes me wonder: When this person started out, didn’t they have to reach out to tell people about their product? The answer is most probably yes.
Does this rejection matter? No. And it’s pretty easy to move on from. But it still prompted me to re-assess what I said (and realize there’s nothing wrong with it). The wrong came from the reaction. People forget that there are humans on the other side of the screen.
Entrepreneurs who are constantly rejected by VC’s and early customers are forced to believe that there’s something wrong with the idea or them — as Jessica Livingston points out, you will know from your early users whether your product is good. So small rejections shouldn’t really force you to change course. (This is a whole other topic, but that’s why it’s important to have some a belief & conviction in what you’re building).
The takeaway here is, just remember to keep showing up in the face of rejection, and take it as an opportunity to learn.
